Off Topic, but I couldn't help myself. For your edification, here is a debriefing from an early infiltration of Terran Technology systems by one of our best operatives, when we sent him to gauge the possible threats and uses of Terran Technology back in the 21st century:
<Debriefing Begins>
HQ: Ensign Tailbiter, you are here to explain the results of your spying mission on the Terrans.
Ensign Tailbiter: Yes, Professor. I was assigned to “Power Technology and History”
HQ: And your report seems rather… contraversial.
Ensign Tailbiter: Well, yes. But their records are quite explicit.
HQ: Could you recap please? You mention that the Terrans have been using the “Sacred Stones” for some time now.
Ensign Tailbiter: Yes sir. They refer to the energies as “Radioactivity”, but it’s basically the same thing. Do… Do I have permission to speak heretically, sir?
HQ: For the purposes of this debriefing, yes.
Ensign Tailbiter: Thank you. Well… they’ve discovered how to break them. To… to release the energy. They have been building what they call “Nuclear Reactors”. Fission and Fusion. To break the Sacred Stones, or leech off the energies.
HQ: By the shell… is this a religious thing? How does this relate to their power and drive systems?
Ensign Tailbiter: It’s in the report, sir. It’s for their… I mean, they… look, do you remember when you were a child and your egg-parent wouldn’t let you use the food-synthesizer to make cup-noodle?
HQ: Of course. In fact Professor StormWraith has proved that Cup Noodle is one of the Galactic Food Constants.
Ensign Tailbiter: Exactly. Well, you know how if you couldn’t use the synthesizer you’d have to sneak outside and use a bed-warmer to heat the water for the cup noodle? Well… the Terrans use the Sacred Stones for that…
HQ; You mean… They… after all the dangers and knowledge needed to even DISCOVER the Sacred Stones, let alone handle them safely… the Humans are using “Radiation” to… boil a Kettle?!?!?
Ensign Tailbiter: Yes, sir. To boil a kettle. A really big one. And then the use that power… to turn a crank, and turn THAT into electricity and kinetic energies.
HQ: That’s… that’s just unbelievable. Don’t they… haven’t they heard of “Resonance”? And isn’t that fantastically inefficient?
Ensign Tailbiter: Yes Sir. No sir. And yes sir. They seem to overcome the inefficiency by, well, ignoring it and just making things bigger.
HQ: But… what do they do with the Sacred Stones once they sleep?
Ensign Tailbiter: They… they… permission for heresy, sir? Thank you. They… they call it “waste”, sir. And, well… they bury it.
HQ: THEY BURY IT?!?!
Ensign Tailbiter: <shudder> Yes Sir.
HQ: Is this because they are extremely resistant to “Radiation”?
Ensign Tailbiter: Apparently not. They just… don’t seem to want to think about it anymore.
HQ: Why is their planet not a blazing star then? This makes no sense at all.
Ensign Tailbiter: I have no idea sir – I was assigned to Power Research, not XenoBiology. I don’t envy whoever you assigned to THAT one.
HQ: Well… this is all very disturbing, Ensign. Thank you for your report. Make sure you report to the chaplain for religious decontamination after this interview. But really… to boil water? For Cup Noodle?
Ensign Tailbiter: Not the noodle part, but… yes sir. Thank you sir.
<Debriefing Ends>
- from "The Feudal Sakkran Archives", Intelligence Records
StormWratih, Feudal Sakkran Researcher,
and author of "Old Janx Spirit, Ginnan Tonyx, and other Alien Potables" - Alkari Books, 2016
Edited by The_StormWraith, 21 March 2016 - 05:39 PM.